They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
