OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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