she told me i tasted like america
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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