We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
