I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
