You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
