dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
