lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
