New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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