Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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