the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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