Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
