Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
