she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
