I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think your dad took our porno
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
