I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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