Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
