tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
