please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
