Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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