I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
