false alarm. still invincible.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As shirtless as possible
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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