ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
