There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
