all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
