Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
