I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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