you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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