Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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