Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
