I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
