i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
