you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
