Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
