i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
