sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
