Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
