What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
