Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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