My first STD was from a foam party
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
