..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
