my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
