Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
