You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
