If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
