i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
