Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Dicks are not precious.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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