There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
