He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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