Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
