Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
