I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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