Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
