Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
