I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
