Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
